Sunday, August 29, 2004
Secrets of the South
The South is a strange, mysterious land. Like the forest around a mist-draped bayou, it's often difficult to penetrate the facade of Southern culture. All of this has become apparent at the Jack in the Box drive-thru.
You see, I sometimes go to said drive-thru to pick up a $3 breakfast combo (and for the charm of getting wished a "blessed day" by the Jack cashier). Included in the combo is the following: coffee; ham, cheese and egg sandwich; and a hashbrown stick with extra grease. All of this makes sense, of course. What doesn't is that each time I pick up my order, the cashier gives me a knowing look and says, "And I got your grape jelly in there for you, baby." And sure enough, two packets of grape jelly adorn my bag each time.
What in God's name is the jelly for? I'm frightened to ask and even more frightened to blight my food with grape jelly (I suspect once eaten, the jelly may brainwash its unwitting victim, causing them to join an obscure cult, The World Church of Blessed Days, maybe). Like Southern white folks' affinity for the Confederate flag and Southern black folks' affinity for menthol cigarettes, I don't think I will ever understand the grape jelly.
You see, I sometimes go to said drive-thru to pick up a $3 breakfast combo (and for the charm of getting wished a "blessed day" by the Jack cashier). Included in the combo is the following: coffee; ham, cheese and egg sandwich; and a hashbrown stick with extra grease. All of this makes sense, of course. What doesn't is that each time I pick up my order, the cashier gives me a knowing look and says, "And I got your grape jelly in there for you, baby." And sure enough, two packets of grape jelly adorn my bag each time.
What in God's name is the jelly for? I'm frightened to ask and even more frightened to blight my food with grape jelly (I suspect once eaten, the jelly may brainwash its unwitting victim, causing them to join an obscure cult, The World Church of Blessed Days, maybe). Like Southern white folks' affinity for the Confederate flag and Southern black folks' affinity for menthol cigarettes, I don't think I will ever understand the grape jelly.
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You're afraid of the grape jelly, but you don't think twice about eating the hash brown w/extra grease? I'm not sure if that makes you almost-a-converted-Southerner or just a schmuck.
Look, has nobody read my South Africa entry or were y'all just too exhausted after reading it to post comments. I'm a little disappointed at the 0 comments posted on the longest entry in the storied history of TOJECC. Get on the ball, people.
I guess the grape jelly is one of those great local adds to the known quantities at a fast food restaurant. For example, at the McDonalds in Waikiki you get pineapple with your Happy Meal.
And this was way back in the day before the rampant carb counting forced Mickey D's into providing orange slices as a widespread option to take the place of fries in Happy Meals. Fat kids are screwing up the world.
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And this was way back in the day before the rampant carb counting forced Mickey D's into providing orange slices as a widespread option to take the place of fries in Happy Meals. Fat kids are screwing up the world.
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