Wednesday, December 24, 2003
The BR blues
Let's talk about blue laws. Bottom line, they suck.
A little background:
Main Entry: blue law
Function: noun
Date: 1781
1 : one of numerous extremely rigorous laws designed to regulate morals and conduct in colonial New England
2 : a statute regulating work, commerce, and amusements on Sunday
3 : a cruel punishment sent by God to keep Heath away from drunken weekend entertainment and immersed in internet pornography instead.
Have I mentioned how much I hate Puritans? The worst part of the East Baton Rouge Parish (parish = county in Louisiana) blue laws is that no bar can operate on Sundays and liquor sales are restricted. Basically, the forefathers of this great parish wanted to make the Lord's day as shitty as possible.
For Christ's sake, Heath, you might say, can't you take a break from the evil brew for even one day? Ah, but you see, I work Wed - Sun, which means the bastards who flouted the separation of church and state to erect these fascist laws are costing me my Friday night.
The worst part about it? This isn't even a Puritan area. It's Catholic, and judging from the Catholic side of my family no day is meant to be alcohol-free. If the good Lord gave us alcohol he would certainly want us to rest on the seventh day with a refreshing adult beverage in hand.
Even Albertson's is in on this. They have cleverly detached their liquor store from the main grocery store so that the pariahs drinking themselves into a fiery afterlife can be easily separated from the churchgoing folks innocently buying Ho-Hos. Moreover, this allows the pupeteer at the top of the grocery chain cartel to restrict the hours in which they sell alcohol, doing their part to end all fun, install a strict theocracy and eventually blot out the sun entirely so that the world's landscape matches that of their own cold, dark hearts.
A little background:
Main Entry: blue law
Function: noun
Date: 1781
1 : one of numerous extremely rigorous laws designed to regulate morals and conduct in colonial New England
2 : a statute regulating work, commerce, and amusements on Sunday
3 : a cruel punishment sent by God to keep Heath away from drunken weekend entertainment and immersed in internet pornography instead.
Have I mentioned how much I hate Puritans? The worst part of the East Baton Rouge Parish (parish = county in Louisiana) blue laws is that no bar can operate on Sundays and liquor sales are restricted. Basically, the forefathers of this great parish wanted to make the Lord's day as shitty as possible.
For Christ's sake, Heath, you might say, can't you take a break from the evil brew for even one day? Ah, but you see, I work Wed - Sun, which means the bastards who flouted the separation of church and state to erect these fascist laws are costing me my Friday night.
The worst part about it? This isn't even a Puritan area. It's Catholic, and judging from the Catholic side of my family no day is meant to be alcohol-free. If the good Lord gave us alcohol he would certainly want us to rest on the seventh day with a refreshing adult beverage in hand.
Even Albertson's is in on this. They have cleverly detached their liquor store from the main grocery store so that the pariahs drinking themselves into a fiery afterlife can be easily separated from the churchgoing folks innocently buying Ho-Hos. Moreover, this allows the pupeteer at the top of the grocery chain cartel to restrict the hours in which they sell alcohol, doing their part to end all fun, install a strict theocracy and eventually blot out the sun entirely so that the world's landscape matches that of their own cold, dark hearts.
